(Side note: I don't keep Kleenex in my room. The kids steal it. I make them use toilet paper instead.)
Kid: Mrs. Revis! I have to go to the bathroom. I need a tissue...I have an issue...in my nose.
Little skinny kid who might weigh a buck puts on her bookbag....and tips over backwards! Her bookbag weighed more than her!
Kid: Gah, Mrs. Revis! I wrote the sentence, isn't that enough? Are you telling me I have to spell everything and use punctuation, too?!
Kid: This is English class, Mrs. Revis. Why are we reading all this stuff from Japan?
Me: It's a World Literature class. World Literature.
Kid: How long has it been like that?!
Note: This one is a bit PG13. Also: It is gross.
Kid: Sniff my hands!
Me: (speaking from experience) No way!
Kid: *thrusts hands under nose*
Me: UGH! What is that? That is foul!!
Kid: (very proud of herself) We cut off bull testicles in agriculture class today! And I didn't wash my hands!
(Yes. I work in a school so redneck as to have bulls and classes where dangly bits of the bulls are removed. There are also goats.)