Friday, January 2, 2009

A Comparison

First Draft
Total length: 75k words
Overused words (and the number of times I used them):
  • hissed = 21
  • just =286
  • asked = 234
  • were =359
  • had = 584
  • said = 748
  • that = 1087
  • was = 1207
Revised Draft
Total length: 68,500 words (cut 6,500 words)
Overused words:
  • hissed = 8 (cut 13--this was mostly just a chapter 1 problem)
  • just = 171 (cut 115)
  • asked = 211 (cut 23--but I'm OK with that number)
  • were = 270 (cut 89--I'm a little disappointed in that number)
  • had = 472 (cut 112)
  • said = 567 (cut 181--but shocked I still have this many)
  • that = 663 (cut 424--but again, shocked I still have so many)
  • was = 888 (cut 319. Man, those "was" suckers just creep right in.)
Thoughts
I have very mixed feelings about this. I do think I made the book tighter. I cut several chapters, combined several more, met my goal in cutting length. And I thought I was doing better on tightening the actual language--and although I cut almost a third of the "was"es and almost half of the "that"s, I still worry that the language itself isn't tight enough.

So...I'm going to set it aside. I'm too close now to be objective. I want to send this off to every agent I can find--and I've already begun looking--but instead, I am going to spend the next few weeks, maybe the next month, researching agents and getting the good list...but before I send off, I'm doing one last read-through of the novel to make sure it really is tight, complete, and the best that I can do.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Beth,

I just read this post and it made me want to count up the number of unnecessary thats, justs and wases in my own manuscript. Even though I thought it was as slim and trim as possible.

I know I have a tendency to use "for a moment" too often, as in, "For a moment she thought she was safe". Maybe I should do a count of how many "moments" there are as well.

Sounds like a good idea to spend some time researching agents as well. Better to do that now than after you get an offer of representation, because then there's an emotional rush to deal with. I'm querying agents as well, starting next week. Good luck!

PJ Hoover said...

I love this analysis!
What I tend to do is what you mentioned in your Chapter 1. I have something (like your hissing - rolling eyes, smirking) and I use it too often too close together. This is the kind of this taking a week off and them reading the whole way through will hopefully help (for me)!

Unknown said...

Marian--I think we all of our own little catch-phrases we like to fall back on. I used just and that too often, but as I was reading, I caught "really" and "a bit" overused as well. I never really looked so closely at my own language before; but each time we do it, I am convinced we do make our mss better each time.

PJ--I do think that the most mistakes were earlier on. For me, since I don't outline, I know that I am finding the story as I go, and when i get a little lost in the story, I fall back on weak language. BY the last third of the novel, where I've really cemented what I want to do, I usually have better language because I'm not reverting to junk writing just to write. I do hope that a bit of a break will help. I am an impatient person, though, and it drives me crazy to do something like wait, but I do recognize the need for it.

lotusgirl said...

I think it's good to eliminate the unnecessary repeats of words, but it seems to me that "was" and "that" and "said," etc. are words that I hardly notice when I read unless they are way overdone. As long as the prose flows I wouldn't get too carried away eliminating certain words just because there are a lot of them.

Unknown said...

Lois--I am trying to make myself believe that 888 uses of "was" isn't bad. Basically, when I went through, I just asked myself at every "was" and "that" and all if there was a more descriptive, stronger word that I could use. I (obviously) didn't excise them all, but I did make myself weigh seriously the value of each one. But I do agree with you--they are typically not noticable, and I don't want to fall into the trap of overwriting.

Anonymous said...

Beth,

I love your list. We should probably ALL do this. And I like (and admire) your plan to set the book aside while you research agents and come back fresh for that last read. I think this will really pay off.

Christina Farley said...

How did you come up with those words as ones that you used often? Is there a search in word for most often used words?

Unknown said...

Becky--There was just no way I could think about looking at the thing any more! I am really getting sick of it...the perfect time to drop it for a few weeks! :)

Christina--I used Wordle, but I also used you guys in crit groups! Whenever anyone mentioned that I used a word a lot in a paragraph, I checked to see if I really used it a lot in the whole ms., and usually, I did. I'm going to make my next post about this...

Heather Zundel said...

That is so amazing, and such a good idea. I really need to do that to my own manuscript. You really do come up with the best ideas.