Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Critique Session #2

Title: Poseidon's Trident
Genre: Action/Adventure
Name: Little Scribbler
Blog: www.littlescribbler.wordpress.com

First 250 Words

The earthquake hit at 12:05 am. If measured on the Richter Scale, it would have measured 10.0 - described as an “epic”, and would require one teraton of TNT to replicate. However, the majority of the force sent by the quake was absorbed by a single, oblong island, measuring 370 kilometres in diameter at its centre.

The effect was immediate. Flimsy wood houses were flattened instantly, the occupants either killed or running from the rubble screaming. Wooden walls toppled over, and domesticated animals - pigs, goats and horses - scurried off away from the city, seeking non existent shelter. Entire forests were unearthed, and large faults opened up, displacing large amounts of rocks and dirt.

Then, it was all over.

Of the original 10 000 inhabitants of the city, fewer than 300 were left alive. Seeking help, all made their way over to what used to be the city centre, stumbling over rubble, and crying for the loss of loved ones. They all stood there, waiting for someone, anyone, to take charge.

Finally someone did. Considered the best warrior in the whole city, Atlas stood tall, at a little over 1.9 metres. His long blonde hair was untidy, and his golden beard was stained red from a cut above his chin, caused from his falling roof. A similar cut sat on his forehead, also from falling timber. Standing on a pile of wood, he bellowed:

“People of this city! The Gods have sent a curse to us, for failing the capture of Athens. Our King and Queen are dead, and our houses destroyed. Many of us have been killed, and I have seen the curse from Poseidon!”

Readers: If you were an agent/editor, would you request to read more based on this sample? If not, at what point and why did you stop reading? What stood out as well done in this query/sample?
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