McQuery

Nathan Bransford recently blogged on the simplest form of a query letter. His outline is this:

Dear [Agent name],

I chose to submit to you because of your wonderful taste in [genre], and because you [personalized tidbit about agent].

[protagonist name] is a [description of protagonist] living in [setting]. But when [complicating incident], [protagonist name] must [protagonist's quest] and [verb] [villain] in order to [protagonist's goal].

[title] is a [word count] work of [genre]. I am the author of [author's credits (optional)], and this is my first novel.

Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Best wishes,
[your name]

That would make my query look like this:

Dear [Agent name],

I chose to submit to you because of your wonderful taste in YA Fantasy, and because you [personalized tidbit about agent].

Chloe is a normal teenager living in New York. But when she is sucked out of her world into another, Chloe must work with a knight who considered a monster by his peers because of a disease and fight a demon lord in order to go home and save her brother who has joined the demon lord's side.

The Red Thread is a 70,000 word YA fantasy for teenage girls. This is my first novel.

Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Best wishes,



...So, is that better than my other one?