When Rachel stared at her, Lina blinked and cocked her head, then groaned.Now, I asked myself, what's wrong with those? They're descriptive, give me a sense of what the character was doing...what's wrong? How is that filler?Lara smirked at Betty, then shook her head and grinned.
Well, to be honest, it's not entirely filler....but it's still not good writing. There's nothing new there. And you might not realize how tired those adjectives and verbs are until you look at a passage that actually is innovative:
Then, like a dog hearing a sound on some inaudible frequency, he cocked his head. (Katherine V. Forrest, Daughters of an Amber Dawn, 2002)That's better. It's fine if your character cocks her head to listen--but add something else, make it something more--make it something new.
but I keep hearing to cut out the similes and the adverbs etc. What's a gal to do?
ReplyDeleteCut out the cliche similes, and don't overuse adverbs with dialog tags. Keep the stuff that makes your ms. unique!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Beth! I'm currently editing, and this is one of the things that I'm working on. Last time I edited, I cut thousands of words worth of filler... ugh!
ReplyDeleteMy goodness, you're prolific! I turn around for five seconds and you have a thousand new posts! I can't keep up with you. LOVE the hair model photo! Your comments made me crack up!
ReplyDeleteGlamis--Yeah, I'm editing, too...and...ARGH!
ReplyDeleteSheri--I like to keep it fresh and sparkly, like my favorite hair commercials! :)
I'm horrible about this stuff! Like Lady Glamis, I'm editing, and cutting words like crazy. All of my people look at each other happily, sadly, curiously, pointedly. Agh! Enough!
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by my blog. I also teach HS English. Isn't it fun? Time for Christmas break!
Welcome, Jill! I tried to fix my adverbs with too many gerund phrases...and now have to cut them, too! It's a never ending cycle...
ReplyDeleteAnd, oh, yeah! I am so looking forward to Christmas!!!
Hey! This is great advice! I love it!
ReplyDeleteThanks!
"When Rachel stared at her, Lina blinked and cocked her head, then groaned."
ReplyDeleteI think the main problem here has nothing to do with cocking. It's way too many verbs! Yes, I said it -> verbs.
Like this: As Julie smiled at me, I raised an eyebrow and laughed, then grinned.
Wait...does that seem better than the quoted sentence?
Fine, I give up. :'( Maybe it is them ole "simile" fellows.
Don't worry about me. I'm going to bed like a pancake on a cloudy day. ;) Night!
No worried, PJ!
ReplyDeleteAnd Justus--Ha! Going to bed like a pancake on a cloudy day!! Brilliant! :)
worried = worries
ReplyDeleteIt's too early.
Must drink more Red Bull.
Good post, Beth! Thanks for this tip to help our manuscripts sing!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Beth, for stopping by. Which encouraged me to stop by. Which gave me reason to read this fine post. From which I have learned (again) something important.
ReplyDeleteThanks Viv! And welcome Beth--you've got a great first name, by the way :)
ReplyDeleteGreat advice, and that looks like an interesting site. Thanks for the info!
ReplyDeleteYesterday I told the manager at my workplace about something bizarre that had happened, and she didn't just cock her head.
ReplyDeleteShe turned it ninety degrees sideways. I didn't know that was humanly possible, and I thought for a moment that she was going to break her neck. Maybe what I had told her was Just. That. Bad.
She lived, though, and went on to help me solve the problem. I think she's just really, really flexible. Either that or a Terminator.
Totally off topic, I know :( but your post just made me think of that moment.