tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7164206822403278866.post5931847921053117547..comments2024-02-27T07:05:52.851-05:00Comments on Beth Revis: Pitch OpportunityAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11431700962951592287noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7164206822403278866.post-72938357936086595602008-12-20T23:28:00.000-05:002008-12-20T23:28:00.000-05:00Hey Beth! Do you want to limit your audience by sa...Hey Beth! Do you want to limit your audience by saying tween girls? I think boys will totally enjoy the story, too. <BR/>And I've even question whether you need the first paragraph at all. Just a thought. <BR/>This would just be such a catchy first sentence of a pitch:<BR/><I>Magical Ms. Wendt may be able to have Sophocles as a guest speaker, but she can’t escape the prison of her own classroom.</I>PJ Hooverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02602205868934777662noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7164206822403278866.post-89747555795568874832008-12-20T15:10:00.000-05:002008-12-20T15:10:00.000-05:00Glamis--Thanks! :) I hope the agents I submit to...Glamis--Thanks! :) I hope the agents I submit to later think the same way!!<BR/><BR/>Angela--Feedback would be awesome. Maybe after Christmas we could all switch pitches and comment on them here?<BR/><BR/>Also--I've updated my pitch with a new first couple of sentences (thanks again, Justus!)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11431700962951592287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7164206822403278866.post-38069318448775107882008-12-19T23:31:00.000-05:002008-12-19T23:31:00.000-05:00Thanks for posting this--I put my pitch up just fo...Thanks for posting this--I put my pitch up just for giggles. I'd love feedback on it. You're awesome!Angela Ackermanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01808259088625142389noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7164206822403278866.post-61030525405944636992008-12-19T22:44:00.000-05:002008-12-19T22:44:00.000-05:00Wow! Great pitch. :) I'm intrigued, and this stuff...Wow! Great pitch. :) I'm intrigued, and this stuff doesn't usually interest me! You must be a great writer. :)Michelle D. Argylehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09696465137285587646noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7164206822403278866.post-14110252480447231012008-12-19T15:27:00.000-05:002008-12-19T15:27:00.000-05:00No worries Susan!And Justus--you're absolutely rig...No worries Susan!<BR/><BR/>And Justus--you're absolutely right. I just re-did that first paragraph, and it sounds very rough. I will have to revise--thanks for the suggestions!!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11431700962951592287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7164206822403278866.post-45472283497222961182008-12-19T12:47:00.000-05:002008-12-19T12:47:00.000-05:00Yes, I deleted a comment. Haste makes waste. Anywa...Yes, I deleted a comment. Haste makes waste. <BR/><BR/>Anyway (typing like madness), I think your book has great potential, and I agree with Susan when she referred to your "kind honesty."<BR/><BR/>Lunch!Bowmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11031226145526664876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7164206822403278866.post-81614786169406549792008-12-19T12:31:00.000-05:002008-12-19T12:31:00.000-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.Bowmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11031226145526664876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7164206822403278866.post-1653818842110594572008-12-19T12:29:00.000-05:002008-12-19T12:29:00.000-05:00I don't have much time, but I want to point out so...I don't have much time, but I want to point out something. <BR/><BR/>Your first paragraph reads like this: "would mean change," "would move on," "would at least notice," "she’d," etc. <BR/><BR/>With all these "would's," does "is a witch" fit in? Should it read "would be a witch"? <BR/><BR/>I don't know, but I've got to run. Good luck/skill/prayer!Bowmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11031226145526664876noreply@blogger.com